"But ah'm not afraid of dyin'. Cause I know that when I get to heaven there are gonna be these wonderful trees, and ah'm gonna climb them. But you know what? Instead of leaves and flowers, those trees are gonna have fried eggs, and delicious Virginia ham, and big heaping bowls of biscuits and sausage gravy. And one day, Sammy, you're gonna meet me there, and we're gonna climb those breakfast trees together, and it's gonna be delicious and we're gonna be happy until the end of time."


Dear God, Are You There?

I have but one little request: Stop shitting on me and those I love. We've had our fill for awhile, thanks. You're smiting the wrong people. In fact, what's up with the smiting altogether? Try those asshats who are using your name for personal and political gain, there are tons of them. My friends are good people, just leave them alone, okay?
And when is judgement day, already? I'm trying to plan out a life here. All I need is a tentative date so I can get my repentance in order, nothing firm. Work with me here.
I'm still sleeping in on Sundays until I hear from you.

Not Yours Truly,

P.S.- Amen, or some crap.