"But ah'm not afraid of dyin'. Cause I know that when I get to heaven there are gonna be these wonderful trees, and ah'm gonna climb them. But you know what? Instead of leaves and flowers, those trees are gonna have fried eggs, and delicious Virginia ham, and big heaping bowls of biscuits and sausage gravy. And one day, Sammy, you're gonna meet me there, and we're gonna climb those breakfast trees together, and it's gonna be delicious and we're gonna be happy until the end of time."


Dear Steve Jobs,

WHY? What have I ever done to you but talk your products up to anyone who will listen? Drag your brand all-around town for the world to see? Defend your lousy market share to all the naysayers (and there are naysayers, Steve-o, oh yes. Get fucking Autodesk on the horn already.)?
The only reason I don't have an apple sticker on my car is because my car would debase the sticker. And I don't blame Gwyneth one bit for naming her kid Apple, in the drug induced haze of celebrity childbirth, I'm sure she saw the tiny, gleaming white thing and said the first thing that came to her mind. I would.
So WHY? WHY do you hate me? All I ever wanted was an iPod. I looked at them, lovingly fondled the iPods of others, and spent many a sleepless night wondering, how will I afford it? Sell blood? Eggs? I only need one kidney, right?
And, at long last, I ordered mine. And I was happy. For three days.
And then you introduced the Nano. And I coped, because it was a completely different animal. Sure it was blindlingly awesome, but it wasn't 20 gb, so I didn't complain too loudly. (I said, too loudly- shut up.)
But now this???? Larger screen, larger capacity, video, way smaller package, SAME PRICE I PAID LESS THAN A MONTH AGO.
Welcome to my shitlist, Steve. It's a cold and unforgiving place.
I want a fucking rebate.