"But ah'm not afraid of dyin'. Cause I know that when I get to heaven there are gonna be these wonderful trees, and ah'm gonna climb them. But you know what? Instead of leaves and flowers, those trees are gonna have fried eggs, and delicious Virginia ham, and big heaping bowls of biscuits and sausage gravy. And one day, Sammy, you're gonna meet me there, and we're gonna climb those breakfast trees together, and it's gonna be delicious and we're gonna be happy until the end of time."


Southern Comfort

It's Wednesday night and some lightweights have been steadily leaving 2 oz. of bottom shelf liqueurs at your house. You go to peruse the bar and are nearly buried under mainly empty bottles of boozecandy.

Fuck This Iced Tea

.75 oz. hobo socialite amaretto
.75 oz. teen girl triple sec
1.25 oz serviceable rum
2 tbsp. simple syrup
Unsweetened iced tea left over from your soon-to-be aunt-in-law's 80th birthday party to taste

Pour ingredients over ice and shake like a red-headed stepbaby. Lemon? If you must.