"But ah'm not afraid of dyin'. Cause I know that when I get to heaven there are gonna be these wonderful trees, and ah'm gonna climb them. But you know what? Instead of leaves and flowers, those trees are gonna have fried eggs, and delicious Virginia ham, and big heaping bowls of biscuits and sausage gravy. And one day, Sammy, you're gonna meet me there, and we're gonna climb those breakfast trees together, and it's gonna be delicious and we're gonna be happy until the end of time."


Hard Day's Hatin'

I'd like to think I make myself useful around here. I'm not particularly well versed in anything, save for being insufficiently versed in everything. As such there are days when many people require a few moments of my time. This doesn't leave much room for my own ruminations and reflections. I think this might be the way to go because, if I may say so myself, Bitch crazy.

I hate fucking Valentine's Day. Just wanted to put that out there. I think it has something to do with proximity to my birthday, and also the whole enterprise is pathetic. I'm also pissed it has the gall to appropriate red and then pair it with pink. On stuffed bears. I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it. I'm not sure how you get from martyrdom to crotchless panties wrapped in the shape of a rose from the gas station in 1800 years, but given the involvement of Christians I'm surprised it took that long.
How is it in the process of liberation women have managed to narrow the time in which men are somewhat universally expected to treat us with respect to one day out of the year? Furthermore, somehow managing to turn that day into an excuse to be gift-grubbing beast whores, thus failing to inspire any hopes of future respect? I can't respect someone willing to dump their mate because they didn't get chocolate. And not even good chocolate.
Damn, now I feel all itchy.

College is great, but I don't recommend to anyone the process of actual graduation.

Re-reading over this next part, I've decided it should be read with Lewis Black's voice in your head if at all possible.

Today on NPR they likened Apple users having to buy music choked with DRM to a PETA member wearing fur or Greenpeace activist driving an SUV. Aside from being full of exciting acronyms, that sentence is amazing in that it is entirely untrue. Apple users are entirely used to being unportable across platforms and devices. And the kicker: we like it that way. Keeps us superior. The articles I've been reading say DRM is crap because it won't allow users to put itunes music on a Zune or a Rio. Why in the holy jesus fuck would anyone want to do that?
That said, DRM is utter crap. On principle toast. And Steve Jobs almost, almost, got around to saying that that in his memo.
Also, Moo Cow Fuck Milk.
Just wanted to put that in there while I was still channeling Mr. Black.

Okay, I love you, bye bye.