"But ah'm not afraid of dyin'. Cause I know that when I get to heaven there are gonna be these wonderful trees, and ah'm gonna climb them. But you know what? Instead of leaves and flowers, those trees are gonna have fried eggs, and delicious Virginia ham, and big heaping bowls of biscuits and sausage gravy. And one day, Sammy, you're gonna meet me there, and we're gonna climb those breakfast trees together, and it's gonna be delicious and we're gonna be happy until the end of time."


We need all the balloons!

Funniest thing EVER!
CNN is currently somehow broadcasting the stage manager's emphatic pleas to his techies to release the balloons after Kerry's speech.  It's been going on for about five minutes.  Highlight, "What the fuck are you guys doing up there, we need ALL the balloons!  No, no confetti yet, just balloons!  Bring the balloons!" 
That really brought back some memories.  Thanks CNN.

Da-me los cables puente de baterĂ­a, los pollos se han escapados.

I'm sure it's a sign of the impending apocalypse when I can turn on a Knoxville radio station and hear Modest Mouse.  It worries me that Float On is such a good song and popular enough to warrant radio and television airplay.  Is mainstream becoming more indie, or is indie becoming more mainstream?  Either way, when it came on, I rocked out so hard I turned the wrong way on Emory Valley, and was halfway across town when I realized my mistake.  Making the most of it, I grabbed three cheese krystals and a coke.  Then I remembered why I don't eat cheese krystals or drink coke.  But Jesus, how I love Modest Mouse.

Got suckered into a heated political debate last night over white russians at Todd's house.  He was baiting me.  I won, because he finally gave up.  Which is good, because I was about to lose my voice.  I think the candidates should be drunk for the debates, might make them worth watching. 

Scored Season 1 of Nip/Tuck from Holly.  I'll never leave the house again.  Nice knowing you.

Ever since Ben returned, I've been a certified mate-a-holic.  I think this is why I've been unable to go to bed before sunrise all week.  Damn you, Argentina!   

Side note, I'm not house sitting for my mother after all.  No pool partying for us this evening.  Sorry.

Watching:  Gone in 60 Seconds
Watched:  Season 2 of The Office


Got a Bag o' Items for Ya, Bill

Chuck sums up weddings.

2. PREPARE YOURSELF: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

See this, it's a bouquet. Know how I got it? Yeah, you do.

"So then, I told her, nah bitch, you can't get on this..."

Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something Rhyslike.

I see a red door, and I want it painted plaid...

There are more, but who wants to blow their wad all at once?  Besides Mikey.


It all began with a tin can

Short Post (thank god, right?).  Ross is in town, so no time to waste, but since I yell at everyone else for not posting, I guess I should hold myself to it.    Still house sitting in Farragut, thanks to all who have made the trek to keep me company in this big ol' lonely house.  Ross and I are about to paint the town drunk in a little bit, at some point I hope to introduce him and his wallet to West Knox News.  The soggy summer rolls on...

I want to see Coffee and Cigarettes.  Make this happen, you.



But could he take Goku?

Now I know why I was sucked in, so powerless to its addictive hold...it was god talking to my heart.  Sneaky, sneaky god. 

I'm trying to organize an outing for tomorrow night that somehow involves midnight (or later) sushi at Tomo.  I'd suggest something to do beforehand as well, but haven't given quite enough thought as to what that would be precisely.  Drinking is always the first to hit my mind, but I'd love to entertain more wholesome suggestions.  Let the comments flow.  Do it.

A big thanks for all who made MT3KTNTD2K04, B a huge success.  I had fun, hope everyone else did.  Poo on those who didn't show. 


Still Kinda Itchy

I have crowned myself "queen of the awkward situation:"

  1. Crashed a bachelor party (avoiding awkward all-girl bowling extravaganza), told dirty jokes, introduced the strawberry milkshake (in concept, not in practice) to a room full of men, passed my cock around freely. 
  2. Successfully infiltrated tightly-knit Chattanoogan theatre operation; have surmised they are plotting to take over the world with high-drama, and/or drinking themselves to death.
  3. Survived repeated attacks by monkeys brandishing sex toys.
  4. Served as hot date for wedding of ex-girlfriend sans full cognition of what I was in for.

All in all, collective good times all around.  Now I know why everyone loves Chattanooga, thanks to everyone who made my initiation possible.   Met lots of nice people, one being Shane, whom I've heard much about, but not ever had the pleasure.  Also very nice to see Chuck. 

Public Announcement:

All are invited to the first-annual MST3KTNTD2K04, B*.  Come see all your favorite MST3K episodes, projected larger-than-life (a.k.a. Way-of-the-Rhys), and expertly queued by Jesse (High Priest of the Church of MST3K).  Bring your favorite libation and some sort of snack.  And maybe a pillow.  Expect rowdiness, and excessive use of the word "Neil!"Possible ancillary events to include moderated panel forum on Joel vs. Mike, lecture on Manos, the Hands of Fate as a learning tool for success in life, and keynote address to answer the question "where can I get a copy of Mike Nelson's Death Rat for under a buck?" (all events TBD and subject to availability)

Space is limited, register early and receive a free gift.  Everything subject to change, save the drama for your mama.

Festivities begin when they feel like it (but no later than 11 pm) Tuesday night, lasting far too long into Wednesday morning (I suggest calling in sick). 


*-Mystery Science Theater 3000 Tuesday Night Throwdown 2004, Beeyatch. 


I can post pictures now! Look at my nieces and nephews and say "Awwwww."

Four (adorable) reasons my parents aren't on my ass to have children (yet):
Courtesy of my younger brothers. The uber-adorable one with the face tatoo(?) is Chloe, she's John's daughter. Next, clockwise, we have Melanie (Cameron's by marriage, maybe?), Caleb(Cameron's by accident, ooh, did I say that?), and finally we have Isaac (Heather's, not actually related, but calls John dad, so close enough, right?). Isn't family great?
Can't wait until the other four of us have kids, then we'll have our very own circus.

Oh, and I can do bullets now too. I swear, I'm not trying to be Holly. Really. Promise.
Okay, maybe just a little.

  • Sam knows how much I love robots, that's why he drew this picture of me.
  • Sewell and I watched Season 1 of The Office last night. Fuuuunnnny. Cock.
  • Oh, and I was finally honored to meet the illustrious, yet elusive, Joan of Lore. Good times!


Hey, I want to give you some good frequencies....

Oh my god, I went several WHOLE days without posting! But only because the power was out when I got home last night. Fucking windstorms.
I've been informed that I've been broadcasting my fantasies directly into Jesse's head again. I've gotta stop leaving the mind control lines open like that. Such a bad habit, but luckily he thinks it was all a dream. Keiran put me on the (very short) list of sane women he knows. I'm flattered, but what he doesn't know is I save all my insanity for my boyfriend-with-the-patience-of-a-saint. And, while I haven't uploaded any photos of my own work, my prodigy boyfriend has an in-depth online portfolio. At least one of us will have a career. He'll be adding more (and better) photos tonight, but I'm linking now anyway. Check back later.
The rituals we performed for Adam worked, as he will soon occupy a fabulous apartment that meets all his exacting standards. Now let's focus all our energy on Bryn.
I dreamed last night my mom found this site. How fun would that be? And speaking of which, I've been giving a whole heap of thought to the inevitable (but still amazingly far off) children of my own. And that's why I love Salon.

Even more stuff to obsess over:Spoooooky (thanks Keiran and Matt). Apparently I've got until 2058.


Brave men tell the truth
Wise men's tools are analogies and puzzles
A woman holds her tongue
Knowing silence will speak for her


Faster than you can say Quidditch

I have a weird obsession with houses, interior spaces get me hot. When driving, or walking, around at night, I'm thrilled to see an illuminated window that affords me a peek inside. I could care less about the people there, I just want to see what they've done with the place. For this reason, house hunting has always been a favorite past time of mine. I like to troll the realty websites and look for the ones with virtual tours. My own recent house search left much to be desired, as I live in a rural, economically-depressed area, there was only one to choose from, sort of a take it or leave it situation, if you will. Any excuse to spend a day looking at places will do, so yesterday I accompanied Adrock on his quest for a room of one's own. We saw the finest in dingy basement apartments and deplorable student accomodations. Dreadful. I'm lighting a candle and doing a little dance for Adam, Bryn, and anyone else who needs high ceiling, hardwood floor, chac, w/d hookup blessings. I hope everyone else will do the same.
I've been invited to a drive-in double feature of Harry Potter and Spiderman today. Never having read (or seen) anything to do with the enterprise of Harry Potter (I know, I know, shutup) I'm embarking on a marathon, trying to squeeze the first two in before 7:15. Wish me luck.

Watching: See above


wHy dO tHe kIds tYpE LiKe tHiS???

My biological clock barely ticks, but this is rapidly becoming one of my favorite reads. Heartbreaking, but a beautifully-written sort of heartbreaking. The men may not be very interested in this one. Unless they're the enlightened type. Or uncommonly bored.

This, on the other hand, is much less heavy. This vampiric presence on the 'net concerns me. I'm frightened like. Do I need to start carrying stakes and crosses when I surf after sunset?

I thought the Onion only published fake stories. Note the true sign of a pinko-commie-liberal...VEGGIE BOOTY!

One day, I'll write a post that is deep, original, and heartfelt, and, most importantly, interesting. But this is all you get for today.

Listening to:Sheer Terror - here to stay

Once more, with squealing

What do David Bowie and Dick Cheney have in common?

I'm collecting birthdays. When is yours?

Incessantly toasting beers at the Urban Bar with Adam and James last night, I witnessed a peculiar incident. A guy I'd seen earlier selling gerbera daisies out of a box, and some preppy-looking asshole, in a punching fight outstide the Pilot Light. The preppy guy (very purposefully) knocked the box out of the guy's hands, and they just went at it. I'm falling in love with the Old City all over again.

Listening To: The Stills - Killer Bees


Robot Rump

Happy Birthday to Ben,
Happy Birthday to Ben,
Happy Birthday to the lucky bastard who is in Argentina,
Happy Birthday to Ben.

In that vein, also Happy belated birthday to Charlotte Maxwell-Jones, wherever you may be hiding.

You know how hard it is to post while watching Futurama? Every line is a new title.

Everyday I praise my decision to flee the major metro-Smithville area for the summer, but I think I may be overdosing on popular culture to compensate for the past two years of isolation. Over the past few weeks, I've been subjecting myself to some amazingly bad television, including (but certainly not limited to)several shows about how young, beautiful, and rich Mary-Kate and Ashley are, and more VH1 countdowns than should be allowed by law. This said, I heartily welcome the re-introduction of MST3K into my life, and I hope to continue the affair for as long as possible. Merlin's Shop of Mystically Dismal Filmmaking is highly preferable to another run of the "Top 100 Scandalous Moments of the Post-Modern Era" or the latest episode of "Pimp My Formal Dining Room." So, thanks for that, kids.

My father just pulled the ultimate prank in putting on "I got friends in low places" playing loudly in the other room and then leaving the house. I must go.


Neil! Neil! It is YOU who have landed a small, yet pivotal, role in my DREAMS OF PINEAL FLUID!!!

Had to do it. It was mandated.

Fueled by a Magical Wok lunch, I spent most of the afternoon compiling Anna and Randy's correspondence from the Southern Hemisphere into a Blog for all to enjoy. As they are somewhat incommunicado at current, they don't actually know this yet. I'm waiting to link to the site until I get them set-up as admins, and get full content approval from them. In the meantime, if anyone has personal e-mails from them they'd like to post on the site as well, feel free to forward them to me. You can edit out anything that is personal, or nonsensical out of context, but I've found they tend to include great details of their trip in these personal messages as well. I'll date them retroactively, and when I get the word from A&R, we'll go live. I have posted all the mass e-mails I have received, so no need to send me those.

Yesterday, I learned the hard way if you stop climbing for a month, you get to suck all over again. Not that I ever stopped sucking, but I think I was starting to suck less. Here's hoping we can keep that Tuesday-Thursday thing rolling for the rest of the summer.

Happy 23 (again) to Mike H. You left your Colt 45 Malt Liquor at my house. I'm hurt.


Thereminist overtones

Item 1(one) on my Xmas list.

Item 2(two).


The Lecherous Quartet

Finally saw City of God last night. Part of me wants to watch it again and again and again. The other part probably wouldn't make it all the way through without freaking out. It was stunning (in both good and bad senses) to say the least. If you haven't seen it, I highly suggest an ernest effort to do so.
I'm not officially celebrating Independence Day this year. Just doesn't feel right. No fireworks or hot dogs for me. I may get drunk, so as to mark the occasion entirely ordinary.
The housesitting gig is up tomorrow afternoon, at which point I will probably return to the 'ridge to roost. For a little while, anyway. Are we still on for Poltergeist Monday? I'll need details. I may still have City of God then, if anyone is interested.

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
-Dorothy Parker

Listening to: My phone ringing in the other room


R.I.P., Don Vito

As usual, Salon's on top of it.
Talk about bizarre dreams. I fell asleep with The West Wing on this morning and dreamed CJ was walking around with nipple clamps on. Don't ask me, I'm as shocked as you are.

I enjoyed my second viewing of Spiderman 2 much more than the last. Except for the part where some jackass had the time and inclination to get out of his/her comfy seat and alert management my blow-partner in crime had just unloaded a $9 pint of rum into our $4 coke. Charly's never been the inconspicuous type. Still, I thought we got over the tattle-tale thing in kindergarten. I'm surprised I didn't get a beating for not wearing my Burqa and being in public with two men I'm not related to.

My mother bought me three pounds of pre-cooked bacon yesterday(?). It's the gift that keeps on giving. And here I thought she didn't love me.

Listening to: The Helio Sequence- Don't Look Away