Silver = Badasssssssssss
Dear Lindsey Jacobellis,
Gold is tacky and I think you were right to donate it to the less fortunate/talented. I'm not saying that because you're from the U.S. I'm saying it because you dominated, you knew it, you lived in the moment, and you're going home with the prettiest medal.
Also, thank you saying a polite "fuck you" to Bob "King of the Asshats" Costas with your smile. You are a real American hero.
Your new adoring fan,