Make Her Laugh At That

I've never been much of an achiever. I graduated smack in the middle of my class, I dropped out of college after my freshman year, and nine years later I'm still struggling through. Never been published, no special recognitions. My resume is a barren wasteland of "what the hell have I been doing all these years?"

I am, however, pretty good at amazing doctors. My chiropractor slapped my x-rays up on the lightbox today, and looked at me like, "how are you walking upright?"

Looking at the films? I could see why. I'm a mess. No part of my skeleton above my waist is where it should be.

He then presented me with the award for "worst. jaw. ever." Seriously.

I've seen x-rays of my chest and teeth before, but I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of seeing my own skull in its glorious entirety. It's scary. My head has eyes, and hair, and a nose, and skin, and is very much alive.
Up there on the lightbox though, I was dead. Just a skull with a highly dysfuntional jaw, held aloft by Hamlet.

Alas, poor Cara! I knew her, Horatio: a lady
of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: she hath
borne me on her back a thousand times; and now, how
abhorred in my imagination it is!

When I was a kid I had a dream I was standing in front of a mirror and I grew old and my skin slowly split and fell off until I was just a skeleton standing there, gaping. Scared the crap out of me. Seeing the x-ray today brought a little of that feeling back.

I really need to accomplish something.

Ta Da, a Magazine for Gay Magicians

Back in the day I would occasionally link to things I thought were fun, insightful, or whatever. Let's get back to that. Here is some stuff that has been making me smile on the internets.

• "Lazy Sunday" was only the beginning.
• I've never actually heard the whole "My Humps" by the Black-Eyed Peas, nor do I want to, nevertheless, it's been stuck in my head for days because of this. WTF happened to The Black-Eyed Peas anyway? Weren't they good at some point? What happened to the guys who did "Joints and Jams?" That was a good song.
  
• Like Flickr but still have some time on your hands? Try Fastr. Warning: Threat of addiction is real.
• True story.

Finally, something I didn't find on Waxy.org: Our Matt has finally been bullied into joining the ranks. Let's give him our warmest welcome!

The Lord Told Me To Join The Army. So I Did.

Well, we're a bunch of posting muthas these days.
Chiropractic care is my new job, except I pay them. Discovered I have not one, but about 9 different reasons to have a headache. My assignment this weekend is to "change the space between my ears." and get my hope back.
I was not given any specific instructions as to changing "the space between my ears." I hope it involves booze.
We're watching Amadeus tonight because it's been a couple of months, and also it's his birthday. NPR hasn't missed a chance to tell us that this week.
I still haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, for which I feel ashamed, but here's the rub: it looks like a chick flick. A chick flick with hott guys who kiss each other, but a chick flick nonetheless. If the story was about a man and a woman it wouldn't even be on my radar, so do I go see it just for the cause? Or because Oprah told me to?
Because she did, earlier today. She looked right at me and said, "Go. See. It."
Fuck it, I loves me some Jake Gyllenhaal. Sprechen ze, sexy?
While we're on the topic of movies (when are we not?) I just saw a preview for The Pink Panther, and, as much as I love Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, and Befuckingyonce, would it have killed them to say Jean Reno's name, seeing as how he is featured in 75% of the ad?
If I were the French, I'd hate us too.

This? Is Sad.

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

So that's where I've been, in this great wide world. The U.S. and Costa Rica. Woo.
Of course, I'll never get anywhere if I keep moving backward, which is what I feel I've been doing all week. Pellissippi is....different from the other schools. Not sure what I expected.
So not much to report as of late. I saw Jesus is Magic last night with Matt, Mike, and Scott. I did a lot of silent laughing, more just the breathing and moving my shoulders up and down, because it was hard to laugh out loud at some of those jokes. Still, if you like the raunchy and racist stylings of the adorable Sarah Silverman, this one's for you.
I'm still struggling through House of Leaves and wondering exactly why I chose a book where the footnotes' footnotes have footnotes, sometimes in foreign languages and mostly fabricated, sometimes missing letters, whole sentences, or paragraphs. In fact, it leads me to wonder what exactly makes one choose to write such a monstrosity. There are times when I truly believe I am just too stupid to see the larger picture here. I'm not so much scared by the story as I am seriously concerned for Mark Z. Danielewski's mental health. I'm beginning to think Ulysses might provide a nice little break. At least all the words face the same way.
Happy Birthday Adam, Ross, Xian, and Holly this week. I'm ready to boogie on Saturday night.

So True

Your 2005 Song Is

Beverly Hills by Weezer "My automobile is a piece of crap My fashion sense is a little whack And my friends are just as screwy as me" You breezed through 2005 in your own funky style!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

But I Had the KITT Big Wheel....

Cult Icon Hasselhoff You are Hasselhoff, the Cult Icon. You revel in your enigmatic and confusing popularity – moreso in the positive aspects of it than the confusing or unclear parts. You are the shining star of the world: more specifically, of Germany. Someday, you will be featured in a ticker-tape parade. Someday! Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

D.A.D.A.

D.A.D.A., originally uploaded by glasshole.

Fun at the beach. I'm back now.

Quickly...

I'm at the beach and I have 13% battery power left. Just wanted to drop in and say how wonderful it was to see everyone over the holidays, and thank everyone who came out to my myriad of get-togethers and shindigs. As always I wish I could have spent more time with everyone, but it was good nonetheless.
I thought about writing a wrap-up of last year, but the majority was terribly depressing. Not a good year, but when I look back some of the best things that have ever happened to me happened in spite of all the bad stuff. You know who you are.
Here's to a better year. I ate black-eyed peas for the first time in a decade so I've got my hopes up.